Whats All The Buzz With Coping Skills?
Created by: Michelle Luszczewski LCSW, LCADC on
I have spent my career working with individuals who struggle with substance use. I have worked at a medication-assisted treatment agency, an inpatient psychiatric hospital where I witnessed detoxes, a harm reduction agency where I helped build their clinical program, and with organizations that provide treatment for court-mandated clients charged with crimes committed while under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
For some clients, their involvement with substances might have been prevented if they had been taught healthy coping skills. Coping skills are the methods we use to manage our emotions. When you feel anxious, angry, stressed, depressed, hopeless, disappointed, or experience any other difficult emotion, how do you cope with those feelings? Coping skills are not only for uncomfortable emotions but also for comfortable ones. When you feel happy, excited, successful, loved, or similar positive emotions, how do you cope with those feelings?
If you say your coping skills include exercise, yoga, breathing exercises, grounding methods (e.g., 5-4-3-2-1), meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, engaging in a healthy hobby, spending time with friends, positive self-talk, reaching out for help, challenging irrational thoughts, or managing hygiene, congratulations! You have healthy coping skills! However, if you cope by overeating, sleeping too much or too little, gambling, using alcohol or drugs, isolating, engaging in self-harm, avoiding situations, overworking, using negative self-talk, or promiscuity, unfortunately, you are using unhealthy coping skills. The good news is that coping skills can be learned at any age—we are not stuck with unhealthy coping skills forever!
When we think about coping skills, we often reflect on where we were supposed to learn them. If you think back to your childhood, you might remember your parents experiencing intense emotions, but they were not necessarily explaining their coping process. They likely did not say, “Mom is sad right now, and I need a few minutes to have some positive self-talk,” or “Dad is angry right now, and I need to go for a walk to think through this.” Instead, they may have avoided their emotions, blamed someone else, or projected those emotions onto you. Schools, too, did not teach healthy coping skills. They may have placed you in a corner when you displayed negative behavior because they did not know how to handle it. Sitting in a corner may have been intended to “fix” the emotion, but in reality, it often made you feel unheard and signaled that the feelings causing your behavior were unimportant. Over time, we may learn that our feelings are not important or that addressing them will only get us into trouble.
The lack of healthy coping skills feeds into the development of unhealthy coping strategies until they become unmanageable. When we ask for help, we are often told to learn something new and unlearn behaviors we’ve practiced for weeks, months, years, or even decades. This can seem overwhelming, and as a result, we may continue using our unhealthy coping strategies because they feel easier and more comfortable simply because they are familiar.
However, healthy coping skills are the key to managing uncomfortable feelings more effectively and, at times, more quickly. I encourage you to try a new healthy coping skill when you are not experiencing an intense emotional state. It is best to experiment with new coping skills when you are not feeling overwhelmed, as we do not want to intensify the emotion if the coping skill does not work for you. If we practice a coping skill when we are in a stable emotional state and it increases our feelings, we can recognize that it may not be effective for us during more intense moments.
Remember, using healthy coping skills requires effort. Change and progress do not happen overnight, especially when we need to unlearn unhealthy coping skills that have been ingrained over weeks, years, or even decades. You’ve got this!
Not sure what healthy and unhealthy coping skills are and are interested in learning? Schedule an appointment with Michelle by calling (702) 527-8362 or by emailing evokeinsighttherapy@gmail.com